Wednesday, December 8, 2010

In which I reem Twilight

I really don't have time to be blogging when I should be reading, but I just have to talk about this.

I watched "Twilight" at least a year and a half ago and this was my first reading of the book. Before I say what is coming next, I want everyone to understand that I have never said this before. I have been waiting for just the right book/movie duo. Are you ready?


There, I said it. Usually I fight with people who say it, because, usually, I think it is ignorant to say it. You cannot possibly fit all the pages of a book into a movie. The movie would be eight hours long. And every movie-based-off-a-book that I've ever seen has essentially kept the integrity of the book. Harry Potter, Narnia, The Lord of the Rings.

But this movie? Catherine Hardwicke (director) and Melissa Rosenberg (screenwriter) obviously believed that lying in a meadow staring at one another in silence was the best way to convey their "feelings" about one another. They also didn't believe that we needed to know anything about any of the other characters. Where was all the development of the movie? When I was done watching the movie I wondered, "What does Edward's family have to do with anything?" Every time Jasper walked into a room I wanted to say, "I'm Harpo!" and Rosaline was just angry for no reason at all. The. Entire. Movie. Carlisle and Esme served as little more than smiling parental figures. And who was that broody guy? Oh yeah, Emmett. He hates Bella, right?

No! No, the book says he likes Bella! Rosaline is angry because she is jealous that Bella is a human! Jasper has the power to control emotions in the room! Alice is becoming Bella's best friend! Carlisle is 322 years old! Esme binds the family together!

And how about that other clan of vampires? The ones that are dressed in fur and designer clothes and all have hair long enough to be ponytails? Oh, in the book they are in jeans and plaid shirts? The men have their hair cut short?

I may or may not take some flack for this, but the first Twilight movie? It sucked royally. I haven't seen the other two, but I might have to. It's the macabre fascination I have with cars crashing and burning. And exploding.

At least they kept the long long long inexplicable silences in tact. Sometimes leaving you wondering... "Have they forgotten their line?" No, they haven't. But the subtext we are supposed to read? We can't. Because Edward and Bella have, apparently, never taken acting lessons. I wish I have devilishly good looks to carry me through life. If I only looked like a vampire, things would be so much easier.

I picked up the other three books from Jordan's brother today and they get thicker. I just figured out that to be done by Saturday I need to read 486.5 pages every day. I'm not altogether sure that that is possible, but I will give it my darnedest. I should be able to finish "New Moon" today without any problem. It's the rest of the week that worries me just a tad. It's going to be a nutty week.

Day: 24
Books to read: 97

No comments:

Post a Comment