Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Maternity Leave: Day 2

I went ahead and started maternity leave early because of all the contractions this little bug is giving me. I hope he decides to come a little early so that I don't waste 3 weeks without him here.

As a result of said maternity leave, I have decided that what I would really like to do is to become a stay at home mom. Not really because it's a noble profession (even though it is) but more because I love getting up in the morning and working at the house and KNOWING that I do not have to work at another job later. I wish we could afford it.

The only thing that could possibly make this feeling go away is a great job in St. Louis that has to do with my degree. Because leaving the house to go to work doesn't really feel like work when you love what you're doing.

Also because of maternity leave, this has finally happened:

Still a couple odds and ends that need to be picked up

Snoopy Crib and changing table

Clothes and diapers all put away
It looks great and actually got me excited instead of causing me to be paralyzed with fear. This is a positive step, people.

Monday, November 28, 2011

The Groper List

First of all, can I just say that I have been having intense contractions on and off for about two weeks? Can I say how frustrating that is? Because they need to be REGULAR! This morning my mom called and asked if I was having any pain. I said in a depressed way, "Not really." And she said "Shoot." Isn't it terribly sad when you're mourning your lack of pain? I wish I had severe stomach cramping lasting for 1 minute every 4 to 5 minutes. Then I wish that I would basically wet myself. It would make me the happiest woman alive.

Now, on to what I came here to tell you about. If you are already pregnant and have told anyone about your bundle on the way, you already know these people. If not, then consider yourself warned.

There are several different types of belly gropers, but two stand out above the rest.

1. The hesitant groper
This type of groper constitutes almost all males (including my dad) and most women with whom you are only acquaintances. This is the most considerate groper, because they are not sure whether or not you are actually in the mood to have a hand on your stomach and are "dipping their toes in the water" so to speak. Fingertips only for this groper.
The problem with this groper is that they fail to realize that while your stomach may be protruding 8 inches from the rest of you, it still does contain nerve endings.  And if you're ticklish at all, the intense need to slap the person immediately washes over you. Be warned, though, said slapping or even quickly movements away will send the hesitant groper into a beaten puppy state. Which will make your pregnancy hormones overproduce, sending them cascading out of your eyes in the form of tears. And before you know it, you're apologizing to the person who just rubbed their fingertips all over your belly like a weirdo.

2. The petter
This person is the person you run from at the grocery store. A glimpse of you will simple incite a squeal of glee and the person will run to you with their hand outstretched as if a baby magnet was implanted in her palm. They will then stand with you in the middle of Wal Mart rubbing your belly as if it were a magic lamp and talking to you about arbitrary things.
The problem with this sort of groper is obvious. The awkward level goes through the roof. Besides the fact that you're generally already hot and uncomfortable. Sometimes this person just needs to be reminded that they are not actually touching a baby. They are actually touching your stomach.


Monday, November 14, 2011

One Year Mark

Well, today marks one year since I started this crazy journey. I did not succeed, but I still feel really successful. I'm going to keep the list of books up and still cross them off as I go, but I have so much more going on in my life now that I just think setting these nearly unattainable goals is distracting me from what is really important.

I have been considering changing the name to my blog for a while. I love to read, and I have really missed running, but I think I'm turning a corner in my life where these things are not going to take the kind of priority that they used to have.

What I actually have been wanting to write about really centers more around pregnancy and motherhood- especially as it pertains to my generation. Throughout this pregnancy, I have been plagued with the idea that I'm all alone in how I feel. This isn't because there aren't a wealth of forums and blogs out there about being a mother, but because they are really missing the frank-ness that I have felt throughout this pregnancy. It's not all roses. Sometimes when someone tells you, "It'll all be worth it," you really want to punch them in the teeth. I understand that it was totally worth it for you. I really really believe and hope that I will feel the same way. But does it always feel like it will be worth it?

Sometimes it's really a matter of the time we live in now. Thirty years ago I imagine that adoption was not as popular as it is now. In fact, from what I gather, it seemed to be a last resort. But now, it's basically in vogue. So when you're throwing up in the toilet at El Torreros and basically scarring the little girl for life in the stall next to you, sometimes you wonder how this can all be worth it when I could fly to Nigeria and basically buy a child.

I know it's a lot harder than that-- but time consuming just doesn't compare to miserable suffering in my book. Because, let's be honest, for most of us, pregnancy is gross.

I have finally, after a long, long, almost 9 month journey, begun to realize that my child is precious. I can't help it that it took a while, and after much prayer I finally felt like God was telling me that it was ok to have struggled with pregnancy and motherhood as much as I did. No one can ever make me feel guilty about my feelings. Child bearing is really quire terrifying- even more so when you didn't expect to be harboring one for another 5 years or so.

I'm sure I'll revisit a lot of these themes later on, but I did want to give a little introduction as to the path of the blog (probably from now on). It will be interlaced with jobs and goals and other family and friend matters, but I'm realizing now that the little peanut will always be at the center of my life from now on.

It's feeling a little more ok every day.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Revamp for a New Life

There is no way I will finish reading by November 14.

And I've decided that that is ok.

In one year I have read the Bible, a Jane Austen novel, Shakespeare, and a wealth of devotionals and just flat out interesting books. I am not ashamed.

I will keep reading and I will keep the list up so that when I finish one hundred books I know it. I'm really just proud of what I have done in any case. Daily life has just taken over all my spare time. Once again, that's ok and even awesome. I started this list because I wanted to feel like I had accomplished something in a year. I did without reading all 100 books.

We are only 52 days away from a new baby and I have decided that that is 52 days to start a new life where a baby will feel like it's being raised by grown ups. I want Noah to see that his mom knows where she is headed and how she will go about accomplishing it. I'm done picking up arbitrary things to complete myself or make people pat me on the back. From now on, this blog is all about honesty. How I succeeded, how I failed. It's going to be real. And, from there, hopefully I will develop some sort of theme that could get some readership. But if I don't, that's ok too.

Something I did want to share with anyone still reading (if you're not, I totally don't blame you), is a website I've stumbled upon that's really helped me reevaluate what is important and what all I can get done during the day. It's www.dailyfeats.com. It takes average everyday things that we sometimes put off and assigns point values to them. Every 30 days you can redeem your points for gift cards ranging from $10 at Starbucks to $50 at American Airlines. I am more than determined to pay for me, Noah, and Jordan to fly to Virginia for Jordan's graduation from Liberty University. The next step will be using it to buy Christmas presents for family! Check it out. Even if you don't use it as religiously as I do (I get a little bit obsessive), it would be worth it to every once in a while reach 5,000 points and be able to grab a coffee with a friend (and pay for their coffee!) or buy an album from iTunes.

I think that's it for me today. I have many planned feats today that I want to make sure I accomplish! Love those points!