Friday, December 2, 2011

God Agrees with Me. Read About the Fall.

I had a chat with a friend of mine earlier today. I'm finding that it may be necessary to remind older moms what first trimester was like and to educate those who have never enjoyed the wonderland that is throwing up in a mexican restaurant bathroom. I also think that this post is important to all those poor mothers-to-be who feel like people just don't understand how they feel. I do. I understand how you feel. And I have to write this post before post-deliver endorphins attack my brain and take away all the memories I have of every terrible thing about pregnancy.

I found out I was pregnant because I took a pregnancy test as a joke. No kidding. It was not magical (although... I'm not sure how peeing on a stick can be that magical to begin with). I was blessed to have a good friend there to keep me from throwing myself down the stairs, though. So that was a definite plus.

First trimester is hard enough, but I have a serious special place in my heart for all of you out there who weren't planning a pregnancy. Some pre-moms have the opportunity to struggle through letting go of their independence and, really, dignity (and if you've ever been to weekly gyno appointments, you know exactly what I'm talking about). Not you. You get to wade through a sea of hormones, trying desperately to find that island of sanity so that you can accurately assess your situation and how your life is about to change. And when you do find that moment? You cry. And then you cry because you're crying. And then you cry because you're a bad mom. Yes, all of these things happen.

Then comes the sickness. For those of you who had no sickness at all and bursts of energy, I say this: Shut up, because we all hate you. You might still be our friend, but we hate you. Would you say to someone who had no legs that you are so happy that you entered a jump roping competition? No. You would not. So don't say it to us. And don't tell us to eat crackers. God love you, we know that crackers make people feel better. We aren't brain dead, just... swimming through a cloud of intense emotions. Instead, ask us if there's anything we require. Such as crackers. Or soda. Or ice cream. Or money.

So first-trimesterers, unite! Start letting people know how you feel! Don't just lay down and take it! Well, you can lay down, since every day you will feel like you have just ran the New York Marathon after eating 3 bowls of clam chowder, but don't take it! It's ok to let people know that, while you totally believe that they felt that way during their pregnancy, you most certainly do not. And loving pregnancy does not equal loving baby. Loving baby equals loving baby. If they protest anymore, refer them to Genesis while shouting, "God agrees with me!!!!!!!!"

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