Thursday, January 17, 2013

She Believed

This week I began my campaign to "believe I can." This is my mantra for this year. Because it is going to be one wild and crazy ride.

My three masters classes are already threatening to crush me, Senior Adult Day is shaping up to be way more work than I ever anticipated, and my four other part time jobs are starting to fall by the wayside- but they can't because I need them to live!

And yet, in the midst of all this crazy, I find myself taking more time than ever to savor my family.

Yesterday was the only full day I will get to spend with Noah this week. We ate breakfast together, toast and peanut butter, and Noah settled in to watch some Sesame Street while I frantically cleaned the kitchen and got ready to go in for an evaluation at the clinic. We went to that together, went to the gym together (where I ran/walked 2.08 miles in 35 minutes! Furthest ever!), and then came home to have lunch together.

I was a little disappointed because this day was certainly not shaping up to be the Noah-centric day that I had planned. I miss him a lot now- and sometimes I feel like even when I'm home, I'm really not home. Like all moms, I worry about silly things that I cannot control: will he get good grades if we don't eat a family dinner every night? When I work does he feel abandoned? Is he going to grow up and do drugs if I don't put my computer away right now and stare at him?

So, I picked him up and started heading to his nursery to clean him up after lunch. And then he leans his cheek up next to mine, puts his arms around me, and starts humming. And we dance together.

It's in moments like that that I have to believe that he understands and, yes, one day he will appreciate, the way I work to keep my grades up, put money in the bank, and keep our house as clean as possible (well, livable, at least). I may not be able to sit all day with him and pass a block back and forth, but I can take five minutes and dance to the tune that he's humming in my ear.


This year, I believe I can...

  • finish the next two semesters with A's
  • pay off three loans
  • Run a 5k
  • Quit two of my part-time jobs
  • Be a good mom
She Believed She Could, So She Did


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